The Young Bloke
If you made it home from "Schoolies" on the Gold Coast, you probably owe your parents bigtime. Read on for your Yuletide duties Son, it's a battlefield.
Rule 1: You will drive (carefully) with Mum's car to the local servo, pick up gas for the Barbie, ice for Dads beer and return home. Remember you are under strict Military-like instructions from your General Mumsie. If you go absent without leave to Steve's place for a quick hour session of Fallout 4 you may not live out the summer Buddy, or possibly make it through the rest of the day. Stick to the mission!!
Hot tip: Get back to your General, leave Steve to play Fallout 4 solo, your Mumsie already got you a copy of the game, it's just camouflaged as a present under the Christmas tree.
Rule 2: Until it's time to sink into a food coma you must entertain Nanna and the whole kids table until the turkey is ready. Too easy!!
The Single Bloke
Man up! It's time to earn those Christmas sox & jox and the same bad aftershave you got last year. That means buying presents for the chosen ones……Yes, the Family, double Yes!! All of them!
Rule no 1: Do not wait until Christmas Eve to hit the shops. You will not join those wild- eyed blokes smoking up their credit cards on over-priced perfume and underwired lace.
Rule no 2: Do not buy your girlfriend's mother an Andre Rieux DVD. That little red rose on her ankle has more to do with Angry Anderson or Slash than a love of gardening.
Rule no 3: Stick cards to your presents with duct tape or Nanna will get the G-string with Bite Me on it and your lady friend will not thank you for the lavender soap.
Bonus Time: Download a $5.99 farting app to your little brother's phone, buy flowers for Mum, Scotch for your Dad, lollies for the kids and you're a Christmas Legend.
An Aussie Christmas is hot. Cyclones threaten, bushfires rage and blow flies invade any unattended morsel of food or goodies that are exposed to the air.
Rule no 1: Keep calm, Dad. Take deep breaths as you untangle the lights from the cat, the dog drunken neighbour. Ask said neighbour to help put together the swing set with the Korean instructions, job done.
Rule no 3: Goodwill to all people. As you carve up that ceramic-dry turkey, look around the table to be thankful for your wonderful family. Just remember the Boxing Day test is on tomorrow.
Rule no 2: On Christmas Day, you will wear a silly Santa hat, play Phat X-mass beats on your stereo keep an eye on Uncle Bernie who falls off his chair after a few beers and too much Pavlova. Santa you legend!! You take pride knowing if Santa needed a year off, you have ample skills to fill the position.
MERRY CHRISTMAS FROM MANBRAND