Fart Science: What are farts made of?

  • 25-90% Nitrogen
  • Carbon Dioxide 12-35%
  • Hydrogen 0-60%
  • Oxygen 0-15%
  • Methane 0-10%
  • Other trace amounts, like corn 3-5% 

Fart FoodFart Food: High Carbohydrates produce awesome farts, also beer gives an added rumble in the tunnel.

Proteins and Carbohydrates: Beans, Cabbage, broccoli, apricots, Curry, Eggs, Tuna, Rare Beef, Buttery pasty & wholegrains "Pies & Sausage Rolls".

Processes carbohydrates: Pizza, doughnuts and yeast breads top the list for punchy toots when combined with beer, alcoholic ciders or sugary ciders.  


Odour Scale:

  • Rotten eggs 8/10
  • Fish - Qweef 6.5/10
  • Boiled Onion 7/10
  • Poo, just a damn Poo 8/10
  • Rancid Butter & sour milk 8.5/10
  • Apricot & Apple Splatter 10/10

Cupcake Fart

Famous Farts & Techniques: AKA Chemical Warfare

The Cupcake: Close combat and point blank excecution,

Danger level= 8, Violence Scale = 10, Effective= 10 

One's ability to seek out the victim and produce the fart with a controlled direction. This is a deliberate action of forming a cradle cup "the vehicle" and delivering this as close to the victims sensory organ "the nose" as possible. This is the most violent and effective method of fart transportation and is top on our list. Leathal at close range, watch your friends closely and know thy enemy!!


Crap Dusting

Crapdusting: Danger level= 7, Violence Scale = 3, Effective= 10 

Supreme art of action and quick evasion, by coating an area or proximity in stank the victim is left with no where to go. Surrounded by the enemy they are left with an intoxicating cloud of confusion and shame.

Reserved for workplace hallways and narrow corridors in the home, local libraries, hospitals and churches. 

 

 

Silent but violent

Silent but violent: The Trojan horse Fart, 

Danger level= 10, Violence Scale = 2, Effective= 8 

Gaining admittance by stealth under false pretences, to the later the excecution is more powerful and a larger concentration due to the hibernation of the gas over time and the delayed delivery method.

 

 

Fart Flame: Danger level= 10Violence Scale = 10, Effective= 2

DANGER: The follow through: Air Preasure + matter x Force = PANTS EXPLOSION !! EXTREME WARNING !!

Farting when holding a lighter involves great care, skill and even stupidity. One must not torch the genitals or pubic area. This involves commitment by the host executioner. Providing entertainment and showing flare can make you a rockstar in 0.5 seconds if done right, however failure leads to a life of shame and dishonour.

Don't crap your pants and have someone stamp your flaming bumhole out with their trusty size 10 boot, undertand the force of the science and danger of probability.

The Elevator Action fart: Danger level= 7, Violence Scale = 10, Effective= 10 

The most famous of the confine anonymous farts, Often inflicted on unrelated public and commonly excecuted within seconds of entering the confined space. Similar to the car fart the elevator or lift can be evaded although not until your floor. Thus the predator had the enjoyment of anonymity while its victims suffers. 

Car Fart: Danger level= 6, Violence Scale= 5Effective= 10 

This is commonly inflicted upon direct family members and close friends, quite possibly the most cruel but effective way to send a message of superiority between parent and child / friend to friend or colleague to Boss.